July 7, 2015

Be Honest

A few weeks ago I attended a small class in which we took these self assessments to determine the top six values we hold nearest and dearest: the values in life we want to mirror ourselves after. For example, a few I had on my list were creativity, self-awareness, and freedom. The point of the exercise is to make every day life choices and actions a little easier. So those days when I am excessively worrying about everything, I can ask myself, "Are these thoughts helping me be more trustworthy? More independent? Are they encouraging more creativity or inviting more beauty?" Whatever the answer, it will determine how much attention I give to those thoughts. It works with just about anything: relationships, goals, jobs, stress, etc. 

The interesting thing I've found is, after having identified the traits I value most, I could look at my life (actions, relationships, career path, etc) and see how clearly those core values influenced my decisions on everything. Why I connect with the people I connect with. Why I work the way I work. I think we all have those moments when we look in the mirror and think, "Who the hell am I? Do I even know what I want or what I'm doing?" It has been rather comforting to realize I do have values and reasoning behind everything that makes me me.

We were not required to rank the values by importance, but I did because I'm annoying like that. My number one value (and the easiest choice I've ever made) was honesty.

I have been thinking a lot about the role this trait has played in my life. Dishonesty has never come easy to me. I cannot fake emotion. Try as I might, you will know what I'm feeling by my words or actions (or just my face). The people I have the most trouble relating to are those being dishonest about who they are: saying one thing and doing another. Even if the person is someone I cannot understand or agree with, I want people to be unapologetically themselves. I have way more respect for the honest than the one saying what others want to hear. 

Although this trait has come naturally and I am drawn to people that value it, I've been actively trying to make it a positive light in my life. Because let's be real, sometimes my blunt nature gets me into trouble. Sometimes my big mouth says things without thinking and hurts feelings I didn't mean to hurt. I want to use this value in a way that I can be proud of.

I'm currently dealing with depression. Because of this I tend to leave social situations and rip myself to shreds about what I did wrong and how that person probably never wants to see me again. The other day a dear friend was telling me that I should allow myself one thing I know I can be true to in social encounters. Then I can let everything else fall away. I can stumble with my words, have food in my teeth and be overly awkward but I can stay true to my honesty. I can be unafraid of my real self and be a safe place for others to be true to themselves. I can be open about my struggles and doubts and allow others to be free to share their own. I can be someone that people come to for honest answers. I can use it to encourage, love, and create trust.

Basically Honesty, my heart is tied to you and I choose to use you for good.

5 comments:

  1. I don't think it's annoying that you ranked your values, I probably would have done the same thing. :)
    I also think honesty is so important, although it is something I struggle with. Not that I am a huge liar, more that I'm scared to be who I am, because to be so brutally honest is so vulnerable and that is scary! If I'm one thing, I'm a great big scaredy cat. So, pretty much, I want to say that I admire your ability to be so honest, and have been so impressed with you as you've been so real in sharing the things you struggle with. I think that's one of the reasons I've wanted to meet you, aside from thinking that you're super cool, I feel like you are a person who I could be honest/open/vulnerable with.

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  3. So very proud. Keep working, keep being you. You are lovely.

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  4. "Even if the person is someone I cannot understand or agree with, I want people to be unapologetically themselves"

    this is beautiful and I agree. I'd much rather spend time with a sincere person who I disagree on most everything with than someone who fakes emotions and reactions in order to get what they want from you, or simply because they're too afraid to be honest. It makes me uneasy and I feel like I can't trust them. I wish there were more people like this (*ehem* you).

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