September 14, 2015

Trust (safety)

I often appear a very closed off person, and that's mostly true. I allow very few people in. The relationships in my life cannot be deep unless I know I can trust those people without a doubt. If I can't, any kind of friendship is surface level. And surface level friendships are not a thing I am looking for, ever.

Trust was the third value on my list. I think it's important to add safety to that because for me the two are synonymous.

Learning if we can trust a person with our heart is a thing that we'll always have to do. There will be new people and new relationships throughout our lives. Sometimes we test the waters of the trust pool and we come out disappointed. I've had many a time when I thought I could rely on someone close to me and I was proved wrong. But the strongest friendships in my life were the ones where I could have complete confidence in their integrity. 

In high school I had a crush on this guy for a few months. My best friend knew about it; we were both friends with him. At one point, he actually liked her and not me. Nothing ever happened between them and I later found out why. She told me that she forced herself to find reasons not to like him. She didn't want to hurt me and ruin our friendship. Complete trust. This particular person is still one of the best friends I've ever had. She was loyal to me far beyond this one silly crush incident. I only hope I was half the friend to her that she was to me. 

I'd like to believe that I am a person that others can trust. I hope the people closest to me feel their whole heart is safe. To those people that have allowed me complete dependence, thank you.


  1. It's so interesting you'd post a picture of your neck when writing on this subject. I learned recently that that's one of the first areas we shield when feeling insecure/defensive/closed off. Which, apparently, would make it one of the more vulnerable parts of the body. Which does make sense to me. Anyway, you're brilliant and very worth keeping up with as usual.

  2. You spoke to something that I have been thinking about so much lately. I am EXACTLY like this. Trust is so hard for me, yet is so so important to me. I can totally relate and I love how you worded this. Perfect.